This is the time of year in academic land where the proverbial rubber hits the road (is there a proverb about rubber tires? I don’t know). Students take a moment to look at the syllabus (for the first time?) to discover (!) what the requirements of the course are (!!), plan the rest of their term, solidify repertoire for their final juries or recitals and generally quake in their boots to realize that there were things they likely should have thought of weeks if not months ago. They come face to face with the frailty and flawed-ness that is their humanity, and if they are humble enough to own the errors and omissions of their ways, there is still time to show up differently.
It’s an interesting human trait that our common first impulse, when corrected, is to deflect. It’s so easy to find reasons, or better yet, excuses as to why we weren’t able to execute the task. Whether it’s “the dog ate my homework”, “I was sick”, “I’m tired”, “my partner/parent/BFF was distracting me”, “I didn’t have time”, “I didn’t know”…the reasons are endless and we are excellent at finding them, never mind having the full rationale for how we are the hero of our own story and everyone and everything else is a villain.
But one thing I’ve learned is to take a breath, step back, and ask myself “what is my part here?”. Essentially: how did I show up? I make the earnest attempt–admittedly not easy!–to take my ego out of the equation and ask myself, what could I have done differently? What am I prioritizing? Did I really do what I said I would do? Did I listen to the myriad prompts that were sent my way, or did I think I knew better? Am I accountable for my own behaviour, or is it someone else’s problem?
I’m pretty sure we all know at least some of the answers to these questions if we’re honest. A lot of the time we’re just not honest, particularly with ourselves. As singers and artists, honesty and authenticity are key and still we run from them. Why? Because they are HARD. They call us to look at the deepest, darkest, scariest parts of ourselves and face them without fear, or at the very least, courageously (because fear is a given). So at this point in time, if you are facing a big challenge, if you realize you haven’t been as committed as you might be, ask yourself: How have I shown up? If it’s been lacking, how am I going to show up NOW? Do I care? And if I do, what do I need to own right now to make things different? Because it’s on me.