I have been thinking a lot about the ways we like to hide from ourselves as singers, artists and performers. It’s a very vulnerable business, this singing stuff, and it can make us feel extremely exposed. Exposure causes us to feel fear–of being unworthy, of not measuring up. When we feel afraid, we can put up all sorts of blocks to prevent us from being hurt. This can manifest in many different ways, whether in the voice studio, the practice room or the rehearsal/performance space.
We can feel intense rage that causes us to lash out at folks who we perceive to be in power or have “control” over us. We can blame our colleagues, our teachers, the circumstances, anything or anyone that seems capable of absorbing the intensity of our shame. We sometimes deflect–whether that’s deflecting the actual work (procrastinating) or trying to cast attention on someone else so that we are not in the “line of fire”. We can become obsessive about the fates of colleagues, get caught up in their stories and overly invest in them (the people and the stories) in an effort to relieve our own feelings of stress. We stop doing our own work and over-function for other people so that we don’t have to feel our feelings (fear, inadequacy, shame). We can engage in self-destructive, numbing behaviours–addictions of all kinds–substances, food, sex, binge TV, social media, so that we don’t have to experience those aforementioned feelings. They are, after all, extremely uncomfortable.
But here’s the rub: Bravery and vulnerability carry with them the risk of shame and loss of love. So the stakes are high. We want to be seen and heard, and our inner artist child craves compassion. This vulnerability is also the place where creativity and honest connection are found. It is at the heart of the deepest, truest, most authentic singing, the greatest art.
Failing again and again is the price of courage. There have been so many great thinkers over time who have given us words to live by in this scary work we call art. They talk of forgiveness, of encounters with the self, of daring greatly. As Joseph Campbell said, “the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek”, and “it is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life”. The road is winding, and sometimes dark, and we make wrong turns. But to quote JC again: “follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls”.
Keep seeking. Don’t hide.