Let go (sourced on Snappa, March 23, 2023)

Let go. It’s one thing that one seems to say often as a voice instructor (and singer), whether to one’s students or to oneself. As one of my former teachers used to like to say, “let go and let God”; he was quite a spiritual person himself, and I think he meant it perhaps quite literally, but I always thought of it as meaning: stop interfering and let happen what is able to unfold in this moment without you having to exert control over it.

It can feel scary to let go of all of our imaginary control of things–the resonance, the sound, the breath. We desire so fervently to control the product, to polish it to perfection (as if that were possible). And yet, all this filtering and censoring only gets in the way of true, honest expression. It results in singing that feels and sounds inauthentic, disembodied, not quite whole.

Letting go is also a metaphor for larger life questions. We must let go of hard feelings, of resentments, of hurts and slights, both real and perceived–that is, if we intend to live a life that is rich and meaningful. We must let go of things that are from the past: other lives lived, people, places, things that were once important–even central–in order to move onward.

Today I said out loud for the first time “I’m not singing any more” to a colleague. When I said it, tears immediately came to my eyes. I don’t know what these tears mean. And so either the tears are those of nostalgia, or longing, or regret, or just of letting go and saying goodbye to a part of myself that felt so integral to my identity for my entire adult life. When I said it, I don’t know if I meant it for real or forever. But for right now, it seems to be true.

Maybe I need to let it go to want it again, and want it in a different, more patient, kinder way. (Recently my bestie told me that she felt like I had been happier of late, given the fact that I haven’t been practicing AT ALL for the last 6 months–the longest hiatus I have ever had) But it’s also possible that I want to let it go because its time has passed. And that’s ok too.